I enjoy blogging, I really do. But why does it take me so long to put a quick post up? I spend lots of time during the day thinking about what I can blog about, but can't seem to make it to my computer to type it in. It's not like it's difficult to do or anything. I think it all amounts to the fact that I spend as much time censoring my thoughts that I put on here. I read a lot of blogs, some happy and bouncy and some that are true life and make me think. I have been an war inside myself trying to figure out what direction that I want to take in my blog. I want to show my happiness, but I also want to show my life....the real one that isn't always rosey. I've been reading a book lately "Life is a Verb" by Patti Digh. This Patti lady is a talented writer. I love her wit and observations about life. I feel like I know her in a way and I have learned some tremendous lessons from this book. I wish I could write with as much clarity as she does. But I guess I'm taking the first step, I'm writing.
So, with that, I plan on using this blog as a journey. A journey of learning, a journey of remembering, and a journey of documenting my life. One day my children might take a moment to read my private thoughts and have a better understanding of what kind of mother and person I really was. I fear that in my real life that I am too stoic. When in fact I'm a very warm and fuzzy kind of person. I take everything to heart, EVERYTHING. I have learned to keep a tough exterior and I can stay this with strong conviction, very few people "really know" me. Very few. I'm really trying to find a way to get a voice in my own life, to step out from behind the people that I am behind so that I can life the life I am meant to live. It's not a glamorous life I'm after, I want simiplier and happier times. I want to travel but not in comfort, I want to exist among the people I see. My whole life I have read about what my life looks like from the pages of the lives of others. I want to live mine now. I just cannot figure out how to merge my current life with that life. I guess we all struggle with that. How many of us are living the life that we truly want to live?
With this blog, I plan on documenting books I'm reading and what thoughts they provoke, classes I'm taking and the interests I'm pursuing. I will also document my life changes as I move from a mother of six growing children to a mother of one growing child. My oldest five kids have either made or are making that leap from High School to College and then into Life. Those of you who know that transition know the new set of challenges that come with that! I'm hoping that I can be my own best friend and that I will be kind to myself if I don't live up to my own expectations. I hope you will all be forgiving as well. For now, I will promise myself to blog more and to let more thoughts see the light of day. Maybe then I will make those changes that I need to make!
