My last post addressed my inability to take a moment and sit down and just type something...anything. This post took even longer than the last. A lot has happend in this past month and I feel like I don't have a moment to come up for air sometimes. I feel sad, yet determined to make the best of what my life is right now. I always try to live in the moment and remember how fortunate I am. And I am indeed very fortunate.
BUT, things are tough right now. Money is tight, stress is high and I feel like I'm a walking zombie sometimes. I find solice in eating outside while my chickens peck at the grass, and when I'm spending time with my boys. Just yesterday I took my two youngest to watch B-25 Bombers fly over the Air Force Museum in honor of the Doolittle Raid over Japan. It was amazing to see! I don't like war but I think that we can learn a lot from our past and my two boys just love airplanes!
Have you ever looked around and just felt alone? My kids are flying the nest, with the expection of my youngest son, and I find myself reevaluating my life and what it is now. I would love to have a small farm but possess few skills outside of animal care. I am growing a garden this year, which I'm hoping will be successful. I'm wondering if a small farm is too much for just me. I feel like my childhood dreams are coming to a close....what do I replace them with? So many things are becoming much clearer to me that they were before, and it's almost scary that I know now that I need to make changes to my life. I want a peaceful and quiet existance. I have lived 41 of my years for someone else, and very few moments were for me alone. I'm trying to get the guts up to stand up for myself and claim the life I deserve to live. But it's hard when you love everyone else more than you love yourself.
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